Trying to become a mum (struggling with infertility and miscarriage)

As many of other bloggers, I suppose, I always think how much of my personal life I can share in the blogosphere. Although in The Thirtysomething blogger I want to talk mainly about organization tips, blogging and social media and DIY projects, I also have to say that this wants to be a more personal blog than my Spanish one, Reflexions d’una periodista (A journalit’s thoughts). Why? Because as a reader, I like to know who is behind a blog and which is her or his personal story. In Meet the thirtysomething blogger you can learn more about me, about who I am and what I like. But, today I want to let you know something more about me. I’m trying really hard to become a mum, and it’s not being easy. Till now I’ve had three IUI (intrauterine insemination) and a miscarriage two weeks ago. As being a mum is one of my main personal projects nowadays, so for sure I will write something about this journey. I got married on September, the 10th 2011 with Mr. A, after five years dating and two years living together in the flat we bought sometime before. I think that those days were the best days of my life. We were really happy.

_MG_5260

My hubby and I in our trash-the-dress photo shoot in Ebro’s Delta.

foto 2 vanesa angelMy hubby and I in our pre weeding photo shoot in Barcelona. 

One year and a half later, in February 2013 (I was 31), my hubby and me decided it was the right moment for starting our own family. We were excited. Although we knew it was quite unlikely I could get pregnant the first or the second month, we didn’t know it would be so difficult (and I know that it has not been the hardest case in the world).

Months went by quickly and I didn’t become pregnant. And I, and Mr. A, started losing our hope and feeling anxious, so we decided to go to the doctor and study if there was any kind of problem with us. That was on December 2013. Everything was right and as our doctor said: it was just a matter of being more patient. But just some months after that, on February 2014 my father died because of cancer. Those were the worst days of my life. Our project of becoming a family was suddenly put off because of that tragic family moment.

After some months we decided it was moment of trying again and we didn’t want to wait so much. So we went to our doctor again and he recommended us to try with IUI (intrauterine insemination). So we did it. Twice with him (on July 2014 and on September 2014) but the treatments failed.

On November 2014 we went to another doctor, one of the best specialist in fertility of Spain. She diagnosed me with OP (Polycystic ovary), gave me some medication and we made another IUI. It was on December 2014. On January 2015 we knew I was pregnant. It was after New Year’s Eve. We were so happy. At the end, after two bad years, we would become parents on September (just when my birthday is).

But sometimes life shows us a cruel face. I miscarriage in the 14th week of pregnancy (the 16th of March). Our dream of being parents has been shut off. Now, we need to take some time and let my body and mind recover. I feel really empty without that chance, I want so hard to become a mum that everything else seems to be less important and I feel incomplete without it. I envy so bad those who already have shenanigans, and I know that all this feelings are not good and I want to change them into positive thoughts.

And as soon as we can, we know we are going to fight again for our dream. We are not going to give it up. mum

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2 thoughts on “Trying to become a mum (struggling with infertility and miscarriage)

  1. I am so proud of you. I know you need to take time to heal properly from ALL that you have been through and you should take this time to heal, but one of the most important and profound things you wrote, was that you will FIGHT FOR YOUR DREAM. Those words will go against any negativity that comes your way and any obstacle you will face. No one EVER achieved anything without “fighting” for what they wanted. You have been through a lot in the last few years my dear friend, and I look up to you for how you have handled yourself and how continue to persevere. Your courage and strength is very admirable.
    XO

    Liked by 1 person

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